She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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