I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you had me at cake vodka
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
