If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My vagina is officially offended.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
