How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
