I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
