come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
