so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
