the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
