Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
