Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize