So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
