Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You have to summon your inner elephant
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
