Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
