The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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