Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
