Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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