i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
