He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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