tonight lets celebrate not being married
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
