You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
