Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
