My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I look better un-naked...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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