I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
