we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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