Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize