I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
