problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just had sex on a roof
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
