so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
