i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
