I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
should my penis look like a turkey
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
