next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize