i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
