Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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