my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
