I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
