That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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