You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize