I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
