Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
