It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
