Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My ass is underappreciated
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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