Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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