i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How's work?
Spinning.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize