Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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