You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
