i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
