i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
