Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
