There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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