your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
