your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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