Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I've blown a few things in my day
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
