absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize