dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
