She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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