I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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