at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
