Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
