these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
