this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
