So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
