winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
