the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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