Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
