Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
