I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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