No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
