Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
