How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
