Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Shitshow foam night was such a success
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
