Your face is a jimmy john
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
