question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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